When Is Rape OK?

Victim blaming is an unfortunately common practice among many people. It's the act of removing responsibility from the perpetrator and blaming the victim for the crime that was committed against them, for example telling a victim of rape that she was acting in a sexually provocative way, and therefore put herself into that position. Many different things are commonly used in defense of the rapist, like what a woman is wearing, how she talks, how she acts, where she walks, if she's alone etc. and I will address many of them in just a second, but before I do let me make one thing very clear: the answer to the headlining question "When is rape OK" is NEVER.

"Rape is never OK!"

"Well did you see what she was wearing? No wonder she got raped!"

Sometimes I wonder if people are actually this dumb, or if they're just.. no, they are actually this dumb. I'll put this very simply: wearing a short anything doesn't initiate rape, doesn't invite rape, and doesn't cause rape. People that rape cause rape, and they will rape regardless of what anyone wears. If a woman was to walk down the street naked for that matter, it would not excuse rape. If you think so, you should probably get your head examined - you might be a rapist.

Rihanna, just standing there casually, asking to be raped. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, I just want you to rape meeeee" is how the song goes, I believe.

"She walked where alone? Well that's just asking for it!"

Walking through dangerous neighborhoods is asking for it? While I agree that nobody should walk on their own at night because of the many bad individuals in the world, it still doesn't excuse the crime they commit, nor does it alleviate relocate any of the responsibility onto the victim. Also, many people LIVE in dangerous, so-called "high risk" places, and don't have the means to move. Not everyone is born into a privileged life. Many rape victims are victims of war, and have been raped by soldiers. Should they just "stay out of the war zone" when the war is being brought to them? Are they asking for it by living there? If you think so, you should probably get your head examined - you might be a rapist.

"Have you heard the way she talks? No wonder men don't respect her - it was only a matter of time before someone took it the wrong way."

Some people insist talking openly about sex provokes rape. I fail to see how it does this. You are at liberty to talk about your sex life and not be ashamed of it. Why does this make you anything other than a normal human being? I'm very open about most things in my life, that doesn't mean I want people to rape me. If you think so, you should probably get your head examined - you might be a rapist.

"Did you see how drunk she was? It's her own fault."

Really? Women can't get drunk now without having to be constantly vigilant in case some guy thinks it's OK to rape us because we're drunk? Is it also our fault if he uses a date rape drug because we didn't monitor the drink he gave us, and therefore indirectly caused our own rape - if we really didn't want to get raped, we'd have noticed the pill being slipped into our drink. Perhaps we would have noticed, had we not been so drunk, in which case it's still our fault, right? If you think so, you should probably get your head examined - you might be a rapist.

Sexually exciting, isn't she? If this doesn't get you off, I don't know what will.

Quite frankly, I find it disturbing how effectively many people can find excuses for rape. Is it to ease their own conscience, to erase a bad memory, or have they perhaps just lived such a protected life that they have no ability to imagine a troubled existence? It is very typical of people with a peachy background to have "all the answers", but based on what? They have no life experience!

Some people claim rapists are "sociopaths." First of all, just by using the word "sociopath", I know that you do not possess the credentials to make that statement. Second of all, you are wrong. Anti social personality disorder, or "psychopathy", is very, very, very rare. Rape, alarmingly, is not. Rape is (dare I say it) disturbingly "common". Also, the violent "side effects" of having anti social personality disorder rarely stop at rape.

There is an online "movement" of a sort, with an increasing number of people proposing that we teach youngsters something as simple as "don't rape". Many scoff at this idea, and brush it off as stupid, but is it really? Isn't it only natural to teach this to youngsters? It shouldn't be just rape specific, but to respect other people's boundaries in general. I know many of you consider that a given, but many people really don't, and even more aren't aware that they don't. As an example, a friend of mine knocked a guy out who kept grabbing her in "personal places". People freaked on her for "over reacting" and she was known as this "strict bitch" by many guys for a long time afterwards. This because she hit a guy, who she had repeatedly warned to stop touching her in inappropriate places. He was a complete stranger, as well. That may not have been rape, but he couldn't understand that "don't touch me" means "don't touch me" or if he did, he didn't respect it. I'm sure that many others have had similar experiences with someone not understanding what "no, you cannot touch me" means.

If you think a woman is "asking for it" because she's drunk, wearing a skimpy outfit, and talks sexually, you serve as a prime example for why it's a good idea to teach youngsters not to rape, simple as it may sound. Also, you should get your head examined - you're probably a rapist.

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Yours,